My heart found its home in the Church, even as my son found his home in my heart. We’re inseparable. We’re each other’s safe haven. I knew from the moment I lifted him into my arms he would hold a special place all his own forever. Even in heaven. I didn’t  know he and I would soon find refuge in the Church.

There is no wondering about my calling and purpose now. Motherhood is the great adventure. My son stretches me in every way, from lack of sleep to maintaining a prayerful life.

My purpose is to be faithful to God while feeding carrots to a 10-month-old who decided today he dislikes orange vegetables. It’s to receive the holy Eucharist through prayer, repentance, and fasting. I change diapers. We say prayers. My son tries to crawl up the staircase. I bow before the One robed in majesty. It’s a lilting, messy rhythm both comforting and challenging.

When I tickle my baby, I hear angels laugh. When I make the sign of the Cross during Vespers, I feel God’s pleasure. It’s the minute actions which weave a tapestry, each kiss a thread twining with those of fasting and prayer to form a picture. A scarred hand outstretched to us.

Our purpose as Christians is to unite ourselves to Christ. For me, uniting begins through mothering and worship. So, that’s me. This is my love. This is my life. Being an Orthodox mom.

Photos: Me by Katie Barron Holman, Baby feet, me amid a crowd celebrating Pascha at my home parish

Written for the YLCF‘s carnival on passions with a purpose.

“Love is something more stern and splendid than mere kindness.”

“This is one of the miracles of love: It gives a power of seeing through its own enchantments and yet not being disenchanted.”

“Love is not affectionate feeling, but a steady wish for the loved person’s ultimate good as far as it can be obtained.”

“Why love if losing hurts so much? We love to know that we are not alone.”

It is, I think, that we are all so alone in what lies deepest in our souls, so unable to find the words and perhaps the courage to speak with unlocked hearts, that we do not know at all that it is the same with others.

If everything is lost, thanks be to God
If I must see it go, watch it go,
Watch it fade away, die
Thanks be to God that He is all I have
And if I have Him not, I have nothing at all
Nothing at all, only a farewell to the wind
Farewell to the gray sky
Goodbye, God be with you evening October skye.
If all is lost, thanks be to God
For He is He, and I, I am only I.
– Dom Julian OSB

- From A Severe Mercy by Sheldon Vanauken

- Originally published on August 29, 2006

Praise You in This Storm ranks up with Held as one of the most honest and faith-filled proclamations in the last few years. We all have times we need to be able to fall down and sing this, though it hurts even to take those faltering steps of faith.

Casting Crown’s Praise You in This Storm
(Go here for the complete lyrics and story behind the song)

I was sure by now
God You would have reached down
And wiped our tears away
And stepped in and saved the day
Once again, I say Amen, and it is still raining

I’ll Praise you in this storm
And I will lift my hands
You are who you are
No matter where I am
And every tear I’ve cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
And though my heart is torn
I will Praise You in this storm

This song is about choosing to believe despite how we feel. It is about faith tested and proven when nothing looks safe or right. Our circumstances do not change Who our God is. It is so easy to say when the sun shines…but what about when you have been in darkness so long that light itself seems only a dream?

Caption: Myself and Elizabeth enjoying an Alaskan August in Anchorage.

C. S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien on the mysterious glory of friendship…

“Is there any pleasure on earth as great as a circle of friends by a fire?” – from The Letters of C.S. Lewis

“The next best thing to being wise oneself is to live in a circle of those who are.” – C.S. Lewis, Selected Literary Essays, “Hamlet: The Prince or the Poem”

“You can trust us to stick to you through thick and thin–to the bitter end. And you can trust us to keep any secret of yours — closer than you can keep it yourself. But you cannot trust us to let you face trouble alone, and go off without a word. We are your friends.” – The Fellowship of the Ring

Friendship is the greatest of worldly goods. Certainly to me it is the chief happiness of life. If i had to give a piece of advice to a young man about a place to live, I think I should say, “sacrifice almost everything to live where you can be near your friends.” I know I am very fortunate in that respect. – C.S. Lewis

Originally published on July 14, 2006

I first heard about Holt International at a concert in January. Back in 1955 after the Korean war, a couple with six children from Oregon petitioned for an act of Congress to allow them to adopt 8 orphans from Korea. Thus began Holt International, which has now placed over 60,000 orphans into loving families all over the world.

Not everyone can adopt a child, but one thing I can do as a single girl is provide the financial support for an orphan to receive food and medical care while waiting to be adopted. They have the opportunity to be in a loving home environment (foster families) until they are adopted. One of my close friends from Korea was placed by Holt years ago…when I learned this it made their work all the more real–it has changed lives of loved ones.

My little boy is Yue Ling from China. He turned 2 on May 3rd and he is so precious! He does not like dogs, is able to walk on his own now, and has the cutest little nose I’ve ever seen! I may not meet him on this earth, but for now he is mine to pray for and support. I thank God He has given me this opportunity to help “one of the least of these.”

View the children waiting for a sponsor.

Picture: This little boy from East Asia is still waiting for a sponsor and then adoption. You can see him in the Holt photolisting by clicking on the link above.

I’m re-reading John Piper’s Don’t Waste Your Life and wanted to share a particularly rich quote with you–your “food for thought” for the day.

The normal Christian life is one that boasts only in the cross–the blazing center of God’s glory–and does it while bearing the cross (Luke 14:27). Bearing the cross is the means by which we are increasingly liberated to boast in th cross. Suffering is God’s design in this sin-soaked world(Romans 8:20). It portrays sin’s horror for the world to see. It punishes sin’s guilt for those who do not believe in Christ. It breaks sin’s power for those who take up their cross and follow Jesus. And because sin is the belittling of the all-satisfying glory of God, the suffering that breaks its power is a severe mercy.

Whatever makes us more and more able to enjoy making much of God is a mercy. For there is no greater joy than joy in the greatness of God. And if we must suffer to see this and savor it most deeply, then suffering is a mercy. And Christ’s call to take up our cross and join him on the Calvary road is love. (page 62, emphasis mine)

It reminds me of the book A Severe Mercy, which I just finished re-re-reading on the plane ride to Oregon. Take some time to soak your mind in the riches of God’s truths today, ok?

So I have accepted that I am just one of those quiet, need-to-be-at-home types. Like all good introverts, I need time with my own thoughts everyday. And as a writer who desires to be used by God on a regular basis, I know I need to stay home, sip my coffee, and continue tapping away on my laptop, rather than chasing the crowd. Most of the time the crowd is going nowhere fast anyway, and I much rather aspire to be led beside the quiet waters by my gentle Shepherd. – From Two Talent Living

We as Christians must simplify our lives or lose untold treasures on earth and in eternity. Modern civilization is so complex as to make the devotional life all but impossible. The need for solitude and quietness was never greater than it is today. – A.W. Tozer

We who live in the quiet places have the opportunity to become more acquainted with ourselves, to think our own thoughts and live our own lives in a way that is not possible for those who are keeping up with the crowd. – Laura Ingalls Wilder