HeartThoughts – Pursue the Beauty!™
Welcome to HeartThoughts™, a ministry by and for young women pursuing beauty through the darkness. We hope you are blessed by your visit; please help us spread the word!You’d think we were a bunch of girls or something…
- Originally published June 2, 2006
GirlTalk blog posted on chivalrous manhood which is no longer available, that I can find. Carolyn Mahaney listed ways her son will strive to show honor to ladies including:
- Open her doors
- Stand when she enters the room
- Pull out her chair
- Give up your seat for her
- Carry heavy objects for her
- Retrieve dropped items for her
Such (seemingly) insignificant acts like opening doors and walking street-side are not just courteous gestures of a gentleman recognizing a lady. These things are a reflection of the God-ordained relationship between men and women. How do you respond when a man tries to do one of the above to/for you? Do you tolerate it, blushing and embarrassed? Do you tell him “No, it’s fine. I can do it myself”? Or do you accept the gesture gracefully and thank him (perhaps even call him “sir”)?
The issue here is not if we are physically capable of lifting something or opening our own door (though when we cannot, it is even more important that some men take the initiative to be gentleman!). It is not about whether we feel deserving or if the man offering is always a perfect gentleman–this is about accepting the respect of gentleman and enjoying our place as ladies. Let men open doors for you. Not only allow them, but praise them when they show you honor.
I remember a time recounted in Quest for the High Places when I was rollerblading. Somehow I tripped and crashed, scraping my leg. There was a young man with me who was apologizing and berating himself for letting me fall.
“It’s fine! It’s not your fault!” I kept assuring him. Finally I asked, “Why do you even care that I fell? I’ve been banged up lots worse than this with my brothers and such.” His reply silenced me.
“Because,” he said as he looked me straight in the eye, “you are a lady.”
Gretchen’s father and older brother also provide a great example of chivalry. After a few reprimands for hopping out of the car before one of them could open my door, I learned to wait. It didn’t matter if there were three doors to open–Sunday morning Mr. Glaser would go to all sides to let out the women in front of the church. I didn’t open doors. I didn’t carry anything heavy, not even my own bags. I barely even drove! The day we were decorating for the wedding I wanted to run back to the Glasers to pick up more reception items and a gentleman was sent along to drive me and carry all the heavy boxes.
For any men who might read this, please do not grow weary in being chivalrous. You have my appreciation and respect. (And if any of you have some tips or thoughts on the subject you want to share with our readers, please contact me!)
Don’t we all feel cherished and melt inside when a gentleman gives us flowers or helps us with our coat? Who doesn’t enjoy a door being opened or a heavy bag being carried, whether from a brother, friend, or stranger? Seek to be worthy of the honor. Enjoy it! You’d think we were girls or something.
PursuetheBeauty.com
HeartThoughts has a much nicer domain name: www.pursuethebeauty.com. Please update your links and if you have friends you want to share our website with, just tell them it’s pursuethebeauty.com. 
A lyric from my grandfather
I’ve been offline for about 10 days so your comments are just now getting published. We’ve been in the fire with my health…it’s bearable now but is still the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through. God is providing. Even when I am angry at Him for not showing me what to do to get better.
My grandfather flew up from Texas this past weekend and was a huge help and support to James and me. He sent me this song when he returned home and i wanted to share it as I am sure many of you can relate. We feel weak so often. We’ve nothing left to do but beg the Lord for His merciful help.
I don’t miss Facebook
Note: This piece is intended to provoke thought–not set down universal rules.
Once upon a time I made daily visits–or multiple daily visits–to Facebook. With over 1,000 friends there was always something interesting to read or photos to view. I used it to fill my odd moments during work. It was fun. I felt connected to my friends; I felt loved when I would get comments on my status messages or photo albums. I was your typical Facebook user.
Then I began feeling tuggings on my conscience about my use of time. Nurturing Intimacy in a Facebook Generation was published a few years ago. I kept seeking a balance between writing off social networking and thinking about it every single day.
In August of this year my health took a turn for the worse and I spent ten days without a computer. I found solace from the stress of illness in journaling by hand, a therapeutic art I’d slipped away from over the last six months. It was a refreshing change from blogging, or even typing journal entries. By chance, I also rediscovered a pasttime that had lain dormant for years: sketching. As the days passed online activities crossed my mind and I realized–with pleasure–that I didn’t miss email. I didn’t miss blogging. And I certainly did not miss Facebook.
When I got back online I stopped by Facebook. Something felt “off” to me…artificial…draining. My mind, uncluttered by over a week of rest, focus on highest priorities, and a newly simplified life, blanched at the barrage of trivial details. I was on information overload and it was neither fun nor profitable.
One truth I’ve been meditating on lately, and–one tenuous step at a time–learning to apply. is the effect our activities have on our bodies and minds. I’m also on a search for simplicity (which will be blogged about more in the future). One concept of a simple life is minimizing, when possible, the activities that drain us. For those that cannot be avoided the second part of simplicity steps in: taking time to purposefully refresh and renew yourself.
For me, Facebook and email is a drain. Journaling by hand, sketching, and other artistic pursuits, is renewing. That’s just me. So in my downtime instead of being online I am delving deeper into the discipline of simplicity through reading, writing, art, and enjoying nature.
I take daily walks with my dog. I’m creating beautiful journals as I seek God and allow Him to work on my heart. I’m developing my art in hopes of using it in ministry someday. And yes, I am still writing. Once Quest Expanded Edition is released I’ll begin work in earnest on a new book. The pages are being written on my heart and in my journals right now.
Do I still have a Facebook? Yes. My brothers post their pictures there; a few other people use it as the primary way to stay in touch with me. In fact, I use Networked Blogs so that HeartThoughts is published on Facebook whenever I write a post. Ironically, this post will appear on the very site I am striving to avoid.
But now I’ve drawn boundaries to protect my time, my desire for simplicity, and my authentic relationships. Facebook gets fifteen minutes a week on Fridays. If it cannot be done in that time slot then it will not be done. As for blogging on HeartThoughts, my new goal is one post per week, or five per month. The posts, like this one, will be more lengthy and–hopefully–worthy of the time to read them. The occasional exception will be book reviews or some significant family event. I welcome your feedback as I make this transition.
What are some boundaries you’ve set in your life to protect your spiritual walk, your mental energy, your physical strength?
“Death Trap” and “90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage”
We have two books from Tyndale to review today. Tyndale House Publishers has provided me with a complimentary copy of these books books, which I appreciate–especially considering one of them is receiving a negative review.
Let’s start with the good one. The Robot Wars series of books by Sigmund Brouwer were a favorite back in my early teen years. Tyndale is re-releasing them and I enjoyed them enough I may :whispers: read them all again. The first book, Death Trap, which is actually a compilation of what used to be books one and two is great reading for anyone aged 10 or older. Younger children might even enjoy them if they were read aloud.
Death Trap is about a boy named Tyce who lives on Mars. He is paralyzed from the waist down and is the first child to be sent to live off of Earth. In Death Trap Tyce and the scientists who live at the science station are running out of oxygen. Tyce also discovers evidence that points to other creatures living on Mars. Brouwer’s writing is creative and suspenseful. He really is an excellent storyteller.
Death Trap: 4 out of 5 stars
The second book I’ve been putting off on reviewing for months. It’s 90 Days to a Fantastic Marriage by Dr. David Hawkins. I will admit it–I couldn’t get through most of it. I’ve read some really good marriage books and this is not worth your time, in my opinion.
To give a bit of information on it… it’s pretty cliche and standard in the topics it covers. The material is divided into 12 weeks with each week focusing on a specific topic like Bringing Out the Best Qualities of Your Spouse, Nurturing Your Mate’s Dreams, and Maintaining Mutual Admiration. They have practical application ideas at the end of each chapter. I can’t honestly find anything else that stands out to me to mention.
90 Days: 1 out of 5 stars
Nurturing Intimacy in a Facebook Generation
- Originally published on the Young Ladies Christian Fellowship exactly two years ago. A new piece in this series will be published next Wednesday…
With the conclusion of the GodBlogCon conference this past weekend, now seemed an opportune time to publish this piece I wrote back in June. There is so much that could be said on the topic and I know this barely scratches the surface…but it is an attempt to begin the conversation.
I’ve been hesitant to post this–wanting to be careful that it was done thoughtfully and with care. JM Reynolds published a brief piece yesterday of which one line convinced me to go ahead. He wrote:
“It is now simpler to multi-task with a virtual friend, rather than go to the bother of going to see a real friend . . . who will demand that I pay attention and not do five other things while talking to him.”
Our generation is in danger of forgetting the depth and quality of relationships, all in the name of instant communication, “efficiency,” and networking. While the rest of the world texts, pokes, and relates in thirty second intervals, let’s not go along with it. Let’s live for something better.
Perhaps it is the romantic, day-dreamy, lover of all things old-fashioned in me that balks at hearing of a friend’s engagement on Facebook. I do not relish the idea of learning such news from text on a computer screen instead of through the joyous tones of her own dear voice.
What happened to the days when a couple would call, write, or visit their family and friends, celebrating their engagement and upcoming marriage through many evenings of conversation, food, and laughter? How old fashioned. How…satisfying. Engagement announcements on Facebook are just one example of the instantaneous, information-overloaded culture mediums such as the Internet promote.
Whether typing on a website or in a word processor, every misspelling or grammatical error is pointed out with red lines and suggested corrections. (Is spelling even taught in schools anymore? What about handwriting?) Instead of unique facial expressions, mannerisms and tones of voice, everyone is restricted to the same smiley, black and white text, and the attempt to communicate in cold silent words when 90% of communication is nonverbal.
The newest computer can merely compound, at speed, the oldest problem in the relations between human beings, and in the end the communicator will be confronted with the old problem, of what to say and how to say it. – Edward R. Murrow
Effort is required if one desires to nurture authentic intimate relationships in our culture. It does not come about as naturally as in ages past when life centered around the family unit. We are better connected than ever before and yet…perhaps more disconnected than ever before from what really matters. What might those things be?
We are disconnected from others.
It may be ironic that an article on the limitations and hindrances of the internet will be published online and distributed via RSS feed to thousands of readers. In this day and age one of the most powerful methods of communication is an online blog post. People often do not have or take time for full-length books. How many today would sit down to read Shakespeare, Dickens, or Hugo? Is it really too hard to understand or are we just indifferent to anything requiring more effort than skimming a website? Read the rest of this entry »
A Day with the Ferences
James and I are still by all accounts newlyweds, and it’s a wonderful season of life. James works at a music studio and I work for a conferencing center. We share custody of Tommy (6) and Sarah (3) and thus are unable to post pictures of them. Simplicity and beauty are the threads I strive to weave into every part of our life. I pursue beauty even in the mundane or unpleasant things. I don’t always succeed but I never stop trying.
5:45 am finds me awake before the alarm. Since I have a few minutes before I need to get up and ready for work, I take advantage of the quiet and peace to snuggle with James. Then our morning routine begins. Our chocolate lab, Haley, is dancing around me as I walk down the hallway. After I let her out to run in our big backyard I prepare for work. At 6:18 am I settle down at my computer, phone and headset in hand and water within reach, to begin the day.
From 6:30 am-3:30 pm my day is primarily controlled by my job, with other to-dos, needs, and pursuits fitting in during moments of downtime. For two and a half years I’ve been blessed to enjoy working full-time from home. Over time I’ve moved up through the company and am now on a specialized team that services a computer software company. I enjoy my job and am thankful for God’s provision to us through it.
As I ease myself into the flow of the conference calls, Haley comes bounding back into the house with her tennis ball begging for someone to play fetch. James is starting his workout but he takes a few minutes to throw the ball down the hallway. Haley hurtled her 67 pound body toward the bedroom and bangs into Tommy’s bedroom door. Like I said, just the usual morning routine.
After James works out he fixes breakfast for us. Yes, I know I am very blessed, maybe “spoiled”. We eat scrambled eggs and fruit smoothies, talking between my calls. He doesn’t leave for work until 8:30 and I enjoy the time with him before being separated for eight hours.
For me, my best time of day to have devotions is not first thing after I wake up, but sometime mid-morning when I am fully alert and have the first rush hours of work behind me. Today around 9:30 am I pull out my Bible study, a ring of index cards with memory verses, and new journal/memory book. Read the rest of this entry »
The inauguration of Dr. J. Paul Nyquist
My dad was inaugurated as the ninth president of Moody Bible Institute on October 23, 2009. The weekend of festivities was wonderful on many levels. Our whole family together is always trademarked by sweetness and laughter. I’m proud of my dad, proud to be his daughter, and increasingly amazed that God blessed me with such a precious family.
Read the Moody Ministries article on the inauguration.
Beauty of peace
Drop thy still dews of quietness
Till all our strivings cease
Take from our souls the strain and stress
And let our ordered lives confess
The beauty of Thy peace
Hope in God
James is an amazing husband and daddy. I’m more tired than usual this weekend. So this morning he set up the kids with modeling clay and paints at the kitchen table. I joined them for awhile, but he supervised. Then he popped them in the bathtub. Then he took them with him to run to the grocery store. And as he leaves with both kids and a 65 pound chocolate lab in tow he leans over to give me a kiss and says, “Just relax.”
I’m not writing this because it is an astonishing rare occurence, but because it happens all the time and such an amazing husband and daddy should be recognized. So while I was curled up on the couch having my devotions I decided to write and tell the world how blessed I am.
This coming Friday is my dad’s innauguration and everyone will be together in Chicago. I am about jumping out of my skin in anticipation. But for now….rest….so I can keep up with my family next weekend.
“Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation” (Psalm 42:5).
